Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
