I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
