I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
