Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
