he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
