My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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