people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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