I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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