im drinking this country out of the recession.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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