I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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