so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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