The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
