If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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