mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think my fart just growled at me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
