lets start a swedish sibling band together
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
