Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
we're making bets on your personal life
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm like, not good at living.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
