I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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