O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
