Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
