the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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