his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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