No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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