It's just like the Real World with babies
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
