She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
