I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
