Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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