did you get engaged???
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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