The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
