I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
