Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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