How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
