I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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