My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
