Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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