so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
accomplished twins. life is a go
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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