Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
