Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
