Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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