You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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