So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
