Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
