apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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