Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
