i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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