i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
