I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
