yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i think my mom watched the whole time
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
