If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
