I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
