I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize