Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
