My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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