nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I party with great urgency now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
