dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
