I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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