I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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