YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
