i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
