Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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