she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I understand Curling. That high.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
