I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
