I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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