i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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