he puts the penis in happiness.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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