Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
