I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
