i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
