What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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