This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The power of my boobs compel you
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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