the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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