Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
