I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
