Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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