On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
