He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
