we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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